Tukukkk

My MC is going through boot camp. Physically and mentally, he goes from high-school boy to soldier prepared for combat. Along the way there's struggles, there's new friendships formed, there's the changing interaction with his family (we're talking Israeli boot camp - he's home every third weekend).

This is what I'm struggling with:

Boot camp is mostly very repetitive. So I show little flashes of it: first day, first time on guard, first Shabbat dinner on the base, first time firing a rifle. Then I go back to the same tasks a month later, and they're routine - they're happening in the background, while something else takes the focus of the scene.

Similarly, J.K. Rowling starts Hogwarts with a first Potions lesson, first Transfiguration lesson, etc. Problem is, Rowling can put all the "firsts" in the course of one in-story week. In boot camp, "firsts" are spread over a longer period of time. I find myself with relatively short scenes, and time-skips of a week or two between them. The overall feel is very disjointed.

To explain differently, when a movie shows a training montage (example from Mulan), it is understood that there are time skips between the short frames of training (not only between beginning and end). In a written medium, this doesn't work.

I could see those scenes working as short diary entries - in a diary format, you expect time skips when nothing interesting happens, and short entries when the character writing is tired. But I'm writing in third person limited, so a diary format wouldn't work.

How can I reduce the "choppiness" of my narrative? At the moment, I feel I'm giving my reader separate pictures, each framed and hung in sequence, when what I should be giving them is a movie, if that metaphor makes sense.

Question: How to tie 'choppy' short scenes together?

Answer: Tie them together with an overarching 'internal journey' that defines this character uniquely and carries through all the lessons.

It sounds as if you are concerned about the lengths of your scenes, and also the choppy feel of them. You've compared your character's situations to Rowling's writing of Harry's first year at Hogwarts.

But part of what tied Harry's early lessons together were his wonder at the discovery of a magical world. A few weeks earlier, he had no idea of magic or the possibility of escaping the Dursleys, and now he lives in a magic castle with flying brooms, magic wands, and people who can transfigure into animals. And he has a power that the Dursleys never will! Everyone around him takes magic for granted. He experiences wonder at every turn, and so do we as the reader.

So. What is the emotion that your character feels throughout bootcamp (ideally that we readers also want to feel)? It's probably not wonder, like Harry feels, but maybe success at small victories. Or a sense of getting stronger (maybe your character has a way to measure his success and strength), perhaps he gains respect from his 'classmates,' or maybe he feels sheer relief at breaking free from the constraints of the world he left.

You can lengthen the scenes by embellishing the internal emotions and reflection of your character. Quiet moments. Little asides, maybe with a new 'loyal best friend' or mentor--like that fantastic scene in Lord of the Rings:FOTR when Gandalf and Frodo are quietly talking about what is/isn't possible in life. (We can't choose our challenges, only how we face them ... or something like this).

I think if you tie the scenes together with an emotional journey and theme, and deepen the reflection and internal monologuing of your main character, you'll feel that your scenes cohere into something really nice.

Does he have any friends there?

One solution is to push the training camp into the background. The problem sounds like you don't have enough conflict, your scenes come up short.

I'd focus on some relationships, perhaps a competitive one with friends, but you can have a conversation while these things are going on. Get some perspective on the character, create some conflict through competition, discussing the jerks in charge, screwing up, etc. Make a friend or two. Develop some character. Tell some life story.

In a way, we don't need to know that much about boot camp. Hooray, he learned to march and shoot. All that can be accomplished while he's doing something else, like building a friendship, writing home, helping other people get through it, screwing up and needing help, joking around, etc. The thread that ties the scenes together is a growing friendship, comraderie and comfort that most people develop when going through an ordeal together.

That can also help us see what he's good at, and what he's bad it. And how he handles winning, and handles losing.